Monday, May 4, 2009

Who am I... honestly, I don't know!



Right now I'm jammin to GnR. A few seconds ago it was T.A.T.U. Go figure. I love Linux, I don't like where it's heading. I drink too much, or maybe it's not enough. I read the tech blogs just so I can call the authors id10ts. Most of them anyway. I own an 04 Honda Accord... damn it's fast. I have owned a 68 Chevelle Malibu... it wasn't fast, but it turned heads. I like to blog... some people hate me... some love me.... few fall in the middle. Best of all I sell used cars for a living.

I am passionate about a lot of things. I am NOT religious! Sometimes you will see me at my best, sometimes my worst. Either way, you know where you stand. I will always tell you the truth... as I see it at that particular moment in time. But, as we all know, time changes everything. Sometimes (and with some people) faster than others. I am one of those people. I do not know how to hate. I am a city boy living in a lonely world. I have loved and lost, only to love again. I have a beautiful wife (that thinks me strange sometimes) and three rowdy boys. What can I say, there mine. The oldest is five, he stays confused most of the time. But he has to have music to unwind. The middle one just turned two, he has to have music to breath. The youngest just turned one, the jury is still out (but he has that 'look' in his eyes).

I have been a lot of places, seen a lot of things. My elementary years are a blur of school and people. Probably has a lot to do with who I am. Middle school was an adventure, all three of them. I remember a girl in seventh grade named Rachel. First day of class I made her laugh (that was fun) at the expense of a kid I was in boy scouts with. I still don't feel bad, I remember her smile. Long sandy blond hair. I remember computer class, they were antique Tandy's. Shouldn't have surprised the teacher when I cracked her little pos program and passed the crack around the class. I remember a different school. Was trying to make friends but got busted for smoking instead. Shop class was ok, I remember a lil Thai girl I liked. A blond science teacher that gave blonds a bad name. She called in a bomb threat because I told her colored chalk mixed in the right proportions would make an explosive device. FOOL. Thats whats teaching your children! I ran into a nice girl the other day that recognized me as soon as she saw me. Twenty years after middle school. I guess I left my mark.

High school was torture. That is the time when I became who I am, whoever that is. Everyone knew me. Many still do. Go figure. I didn't believe I was popular. I just got along well with people. Still do mostly, tho I tend to embarrass my wife. Many hate me, many love me. Nothing particularly important happened to me during high school, except that I finished all four years at one school. You can miss em as well as you hear. Life is hell. That became reality. Discovered Linux.

I floated after school. Never held a job longer than six months. Lost. Not sure I'm found yet. But I am. I met people that I liked. Carol... got me. Lu.. you know. Dottie.. confusion in a blond. Carthage, police, streets. Not necessarily in that order. Total breakdown. Had a roommate that was a good friend. Discovered Natural Ice beer. Wallpapered my walls with twelve pack boxes. Discovered Tarot. Moved, got my first sales job. Played with Linux. Web servers, web design. Failed at everything, except friends. Had too many of those. Drove a big truck for a while, met the woman that would become my wife. During this time, life sucked. I still don't know how I survived. Take these broken wings. It's all I have.

Life with my wife has been different. She tolerates me, even when she doesn't like me. She is my life's blood. My soul. My conscience. I still have not been completely sober. But I have experience sobriety. Linux has progressed almost to the point of boredom. Now it just works. I am still passionate. Not in the same ways. Seven years with my wife. Had to write this blog to remember life before her. Probably would not survive life without her. Making new friends. We shall see how long they last. I don't keep in touch with people well. When I do, I tend to mess things up. I have seen a great life, I still don't know where it has left me.

Canada, living on the streets in Florida, good jobs, bad jobs, owned a few startups. My biography would make a good read, I'll leave that to my sons to write. Like I said, I am not a religious person, but I try to be a moral person. When alcohol is not involved, unfortunately alcohol is usually involved. I still don't know who I am. I just hope I am mostly a good person.

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